Reflections

First...the 30 Day Husband Appreciation Challenge.  I think the biggest change I've seen over the past week is my response to problems that arise.  I used to snap a lot, and get frustrated easily when things didn't get done in a certain time.  Lately though, I've been holding my tongue.  Yes, I do get upset inside, but after I think about not saying anything negative, the emotions subside and I realize it wasn't that big of a deal after all.  Case in point...just this evening my soon to be sister-in-law called to figure out some last minute details.  Their wedding is August 6, and both my husband and I are in the wedding.  She asked what time we'd be arriving since the rehearsal dinner depends on when we get there.  I realized Steve hadn't booked any tickets or our hotel room yet.  He had looked at flights a week or more ago, but never booked anything because he was waiting for his leave to get approved.  So I texted him and asked about this, with a little frustration on my part.  He responded that he's been busy with work (which he has been VERY busy getting qualifications done), so instead of harping on him, I kept the frustration to myself and said I understood he was busy and that I loved him.  He then asked me to call him at work, and lo and behold he had called the airlines 3 different times and gotten a pretty good deal on tickets.  HE CAME THROUGH!  YAY!  And that is why I love this challenge.  It has given me a new perspective.  One that I knew I needed to have, but didn't always say/do the right things in an encouraging and positive way.  I think my husband has seen a change too because he commented the other day about how happy I was, and that he likes coming home to a happy wife.  All it took was a shift in attitude for me, and I am grateful that I stumbled across this challenge...but I think Someone else was guiding my steps as well.

Second...church today was fantastic.  To think that I even considered heading to the lake with some friends and skipping church blows my mind after experiencing the worship I did this morning.  The worship team at our church is always different, so you never know who's going to be there on any given Sunday until you get there.  Today I am so glad I decided to wait to go to the beach til after church.  The group was one that has only been at our church once before, but I loved them and was excited to see them there again today.  They have drums and electric and bass guitars, so it's kind of a rocky feel and they play some of the faster paced worship songs.  They played 2 of their own songs, and then 3 of my favorites and 1 I've never heard before, but it was really good.  Mighty to Save, Glory to God, The Stand, and Forever Reign.  AMAZING!  The words in all of the those songs just spoke to my heart...I was on the verge of tears multiple times and had to just stop and listen and pray.  Here are just a few lines...

"Take my life and let it be all for You and for Your glory, take my life and let it be Yours" from Glory to God

"So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the One who gave it all.  So I'll stand my soul Lord to You surrendered, all I am is Yours" from The Stand

"So take me as you find me, all my fears and failures, fill my life again.  I give my life to follow everything i believe in, now I surrender" from Mighty to Save

But it didn't end with worship.  Our pastor started a new sermon series on the book of Ephesians...one of my favorites.  He's doing an expository type series, where we'll be digging in to the book a few verses at a time, taking as long as he wants to teach us and going where the Holy Spirit leads.  I'm kind of excited about this.  I've never been a part of a church quite like the one we've discovered here.  And I'm really starting to enjoy everything about it.  It's different, but different doesn't mean bad.  In this case, different is exactly what I need right now.

Third...I am so grateful for the people that God has placed in our lives here in Wisconsin.  Yes, I miss our families and friends in Michigan and Ohio, but we are blessed to have crossed paths with the Coast Guard families here.  I also feel a weight on my shoulders, seeing that I'm not sure of their faith backgrounds.  I've never been an outspoken person, I'm fairly shy when meeting new people, but I think I've found why God has us here in Wisconsin.  To spread His light and word to those who don't know...which that's what He always wants us to do.  Right now, I hope they see the example of Christ in me as I've spent a lot of time with them over the last 2 months.  I also think they're helping me come out of my shell as well, seeing that I have actually gone out and done various things with these new friends.  I am glad to call them my friends, and I excited to see how these new friendships develop over the next couple years.

I'm sure I could write more, but I'll save those thoughts for another day.

This is the Stuff

I've had a new song stuck in my head for several days. I don't know who sings it or what the name is even, but it talks about how we can get so caught up in our own problems that we forget about our blessings.

Right now, the lyrics are so true. I'm anxious about Steve's call. Where we'll be moving and the kind of unit he'll be at. A cutter? That'd be fine but what kind? A high endurance one that can be gone for a few months on end? No thanks..maybe a buoy tender in RI or WA or an ice breaker in District 9 those would be nice. What if it's a small boat station, or even an air station? Those schedules aren't too bad either. Then there's sectors and MSU's, and I don't even know what kinds of things those units entail. This is rough! And I'm trying to lean on God's word, that he does answer prayer, that he will provide and has amazing plans for our future. I'm trying to be patient. That's why that song is stuck in my head, "in the middle of my little mess I forget how big I'm blessed..So break me of impatience, Conquer my frustrations, I've got a new appreciation, It's not the end of the world." Lord, may I never forget your blessings!

Simply Music to His Ears

Music has been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember. One of my mom's early photos shows me sitting at our piano at the tender age of 1ish, banging away at the keys.  Another one, when my brother came along, shows both of us on the bench, me hoisting him up with all my 2.5 year power to once again bang at the keys.  In all seriousness I started taking piano lessons in 1st grade and continued through junior high (with a short break at about 3rd grade). Then I started band in 5th grade playing my beloved silver trumpet and continued with that til 9th when sports became a much bigger part of my life on which my highschool mind was focused. I also sang in my church's junior choir from 1st through 5th grand and the 8th grade choir at school, but when I didn't get a solo part I tried out for I decided that singing really wasn't meant to be for me.

I have to laugh about that now because in late 2008/early 2009 I started singing on our worship team at our previous church. Mostly from peer pressure loving encouragement from the rest of the gang, and my husband was playing guitar too (which by the way, I've been starting to get a little better at as well). We left that church in May 2009 and joined a new church. I missed singing up front, so when 2 of the worship leaders from our new church left this past July for new endeavors Steve and I jumped at the chance to help lead. So here I am...what I consider a not so great singer leading our congregation in praise to a wonderful God who gave me a talent I've never really developed until now. This also makes me laugh because my brother is the musical one...not me. He even majored in that at college and sang (very well I might add) in his school's chorus. But I wanted to use my love of music and newfound talent to try to get over my fear of being in front of people and lead praises to the awesome God who takes away those fears. And I LOVE Love love how God speaks to me through the songs we sing during worship.

Tonight I found a website with lots of guitar chords for worship songs, old and new, and I've been youtubeing them if I find one I haven't heard in a long time. It has been fantastic. My own little personal worship time with the Lord. And all I wanted to do was practice guitar a bit. To name a few of the ones I found (because it wouldn't be worth your effort or mine to post entire lyrics): Pass It On, There is a Redeemer, Agnus Dei, We Want to See Jesus Lifted High, and one of my all time favorites Take Me In. If you don't recognize some of these look them up on Youtube.com You won't regret it.

Lastly I want to share one of the real reasons for writing this post (because it really just isn't enough to me to write about the randomness of my night). I need to finish with a story with some gusto. A few weeks ago I was listening to the radio and one of the dj's had just come back from a mission trip to Russia. He played a song that gave him some encouragement on his trip. I loved it and swore he said it was by Matt Maher. So I got home, looked up Matt's website and searched for the song. I didn't have any of the words or even the tune stuck in my head so I got frustrated when I couldn't find the song. It was a really really good song, with a message that made me think about my own life (and wonder what kind of changes I was going to need to make in the next few weeks because of this particular song). Well I gave up searching. AND THEN...I was leaving worship practice last Thursday and the last little bit of the song was on when I flipped stations. I was like "find a pen, get paper, don't crash your car, but write those words down!" So I did (WHILE I was stopped mind you). And I searched for the song this weekend on youtube and found it. WOOHOO!! It was by MATTHEW WEST and that was my original problem. So here are the words, for this song has been heavy on my heart the last week or so. I want to go into action right this minute, but I need a word from the Lord and I haven't the slightest idea where to start...pray for me please. And I will do the same...

IN MY OWN LITTLE WORLD-Matthew West

In my own little world it hardly ever rains

I’ve never gone hungry or always felt safe

I got some money in my pocket shoes on my feet

In my own little world

Population me

I try to stay awake through the Sunday morning church

I throw a twenty in the plate but I never give ’til it hurts

and I turn off the news when I don’t like what I see

it’s easy to do when it’s

population me

What if there’s a bigger picture

what if I’m missing out

What if there’s a greater purpose

I could be living right now

outside my own little world

Stopped at a red light, looked out my window

Saw a cardboard sign, said “Help this homeless widow”

Just above this sign was the face of a human

I thought to myself, “God, what have I been doing?”

So I rolled down my window and I looked her in the eye

Oh how many times have I just passed her by

I gave her some money then I drove on through

and my own little world reached

Population two

What if there’s a bigger picture

what if I’m missing out

What if there’s a greater purpose

I could be living right now

outside my own little world

Father break my heart for what breaks Yours

give me open hands and open doors

put Your light in my eyes and let me see

that my own little world is not about me

What if there’s a bigger picture

what if I’m missing out

What if there’s a greater purpose

I could be living right now

I don't want to miss what matters

I wanna be reaching out

Show me the greater purpose

So I can start living right now

Outside my own little world

This Challenge

So I've had this song in my head for the past 2 weeks. We sang the chorus part in church the Sunday before we left for vacation and I can't stop singing it. So I added a gadget to my blog and found "The Stand" by Hillsong United so now it plays on this page. I LOVE IT! When we sang it in church I did all I could to keep the tears from streaming down my face (mind you I am up on stage helping lead worship). I don't know when or how it exactly happened, but God was speaking right to my heart. He was saying "Ashley, let everything go. All your wants, all your desires, all your shames and problems (especially selfishness)...give them to ME. I can handle it ALL! Just let me." So that has been my goal and prayer to just give myself and my heart completely over to the Lord. This has been a struggle of mine for as long as I can remember, and that's why saying yes to the Coast Guard was a little hard because I wasn't in control anymore. But that's not what God wants for me, he wants me to just let go...and let him handle the plans. For his plans are far greater than any I could ever imagine.

This is my challenge...every day. Make it yours too.

You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours